Ouch.

Flew home from Phoenix last night. I was there to visit friend Julie. She's getting hitched in December...in Williston. It was a bachelorette celebration of sorts.

On my return flight I was shocked to realize I was in seat 1A. As in the first seat on the plane, in First Class. I have never flown First Class...the closest I've come to it is a sleeper car on the Amtrak. I had no idea why I was upgraded, and felt like an impostor. I clutched my boarding pass with my seat assignment just in case someone called me out. No one did.

There is free wine in First Class. And I have a headache today.

Very Important Halloween Post.

Halloween Debate, what should I be:
A. Cleopatra: fun makeup, sassy black wig.



B. Annie Oakley/Calamity Jane, slutty saloon type costume...with a pistol!!!!


C. Joan Holloway from Mad Men. The vampy red head from my favorite tv show. Think lots of boobs and pencil skirt!

Congratulations

To Angela and Michael Mathers on their 5 year anniversary. How young they were when they married! I am so in awe of people who carry on healthy lasting relationships. To have another person that is your partner and a witness to your joy and pain is a fundamental need in life. A poem from Jim Moore a great Twin Cities poet.

LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE

(Colorado Springs, Colorado)

Last night you sat on the couch

conjugating verbs. I was at the window,

one eye on the dark and untranslatable

stone of the mountain. But the other eye

watched you as you chanted Italian.

I too am learning a verb: to love--

past, present, imperfect, future.

But I keep forgetting how hard it is

to speak a language so foreign

to my tongue. Later,

in bed, you are still reading

from the book of answers.

I fall asleep with the light on,

my back fitting easily into the small cave

of your warmth. I dream you learned

the imperfect, then whispered it

in my ear. The next morning

I wake up first and sit

before the same window.

The world's imperfect beauty

sings its song into my ear.

Out of the darkness,

the mountain rises into light,

untranslatable joy,

happiness in the present tense.

Social Media Maven

I am the opposite of a ludite. I embrace all new social technologies, well not all (Myspace go away). I am quick to learn the newest social networks and use them to their potential. What is fascinating is how social media is the newest marketing phenomenon. It makes sense that the new channels for communication are being scoped and used for profit. But what's really interesting is that big companies are turning to younger people to be their social marketing gurus. So, the fact that I am a glutton for Facebook and Twitter updates makes me a hot commodity. I know what is appealing in the social sphere, I know how to work the social sphere, and I am thus an asset.

who knew.

Workaholism

It's Friday, but not really for me. I've packed my weekend full with work. Makeup and hair photoshoot tonight, wedding tomorrow AM and a lookbook shoot tomorrow afternoon. On my evenings this week I have been doing a large freelance writing job that I took on as well. I have a hard time knowing my limits and underestimate how long things take me. So it ends up that May has been literally a month of non-stop work, with the exception of Sundays, which are the days when I'm supposed to catch up with freelance writing, cleaning and other domestic things that I suck at. I feel like a big failure.

And I think I'm a workaholic. In high school I thrived on achievement, and in my adult life, I thrive on career achievement. This is a good trait that can be very bad at times. I say yes to every opportunity, and push myself to be the best in everything. And I'm tired all the time, waiting for the fun, waiting for the gratification. But on the other hand, pulling back and just living - going to work 8 to 5, working out and cleaning my room... I feel restless. There's something out there that I want to seize. Not money, I think I'm trying to earn a sense of validation. Rationally I know that validation comes from within, but that pill has been impossible for me to swallow. I'm working on it though because I don't want to live without enjoyment.

So here are some "assignments" for myself.

Go for a walk or enjoy the outdoors once a day. This does NOT mean run, work out or try to work on your fitness. Take it down a notch, just enjoy the sun.

Read for pleasure. This does not mean listen to an educational podcast, read an industry blog or do some learning. Read a bad novel or some hilarious Chelsea Handler.

Take care of yourself. Get a mystic tan. Put lotion on, paint your nails and do your hair. This does not mean do your sister's hair, friend's makeup or do a pro bono photo shoot for someone. Just be a girl, and enjoy your beauty ritual.

Light a candle, sit in your room, and do some yoga.

Play music. Don't think about your next album, next song or how Howwastheshow.com would view your composition. Just play the damn piano and like it. Let it feel the way it did at 16, when it was literally the most replenishing activity you could do.

Mystic Tan: Or how I lost my mind in Minneapolis

I'm pale. Lily white skin, in the words of my dad. In high school I tanned a bit -before proms and formals. But now I am anti tan. As a makeup artist, and former beauty sales consultant I sold too many expensive wrinkle creams to put myself under the aging sun. So I've suffered many summers embarrassingly fair. But last week, I got a spray tan. That's right, I stripped down and had a machine methodically spray my body with dye. And I look good.

Do not underestimate what a tan can do for your psyche. In my head, I felt 20 pounds thinner and immediately more awesome. I went out to downtown Minneapolis the day after my spray tan with the intention of sipping a cocktail and being the respectable girl that I am, but the tan went to my head. The classy martini led way to shots and other forgotten drinks.

I proceeded to dance as if I was a girl in a Poison rock video. Hair swinging and all. The next morning I was embarrassed, and my tan was a little worse for the wear but I have been converted. Not normally one to fret about my appearance (despite being a makeup artist) I think a little (fake) tan is just what I need for a summer of self-esteem.

Need Zen

So many things going on! All good, but all stressful.

1. Meeting with the owner of upscale, well known restaurant in Minneapolis to discuss pro bono Internet Marketing. Good networking for me, and portfolio building. '

2. Lot's of bridal inquiries and other opportunities outside of weddings. Looking at sharing a studio space. Meeting with photog tonight in Northeast. Didn't think I would be ready for studio space until Winter or next year. It's all happening fast, and I hope I make the right decisions to build a reputable brand/business.

3. Music! CD on iTunes, and new songs being recorded end of June. Open mic at Anodyne, next Friday June 5th. Hope to play new stuff. Maybe I'll work up a cover song. I've been trying to think of good ideas. I was thinking End of The Innocence by Don Henley or Tougher than the Rest by Chris Ledoux.

4. I'm feeling stronger about the fact that my boyfriend is always gone. Not taking it personally, instead being proud that he's a hard working man, and that we're working together now to position an awesome life for ourselves. Awww.

5. Savannah. Going to go to visit Kristen beginning of July. Martie will be there then as well, and she's one of my favorite people. Bonus: I have a free plane ticket to use from united from getting bumped from a flight. Free trip!

Ahhh. positive things. Think positive. I wish I had more time in the day.